HOLIDAZE

Not original I know.

I think I'm waking from the food coma I've been in. Well, nearly. Today was good until I got home and ate enough for two people. Really, I say that but I don't eat half of what I used to.

The happiest news is that I am now sporting size 18 jeans. I'm a happy girl. I was in 18's when I graduated from high school. I don't know what I'm going to think when I get into 10's or smaller. I'll be beside myself. There hasn't been a time in my adult life when I was a 10 or smaller. It will happen though. It will.

:)

December's just whizzing by

It's nearly Christmas and I've not bought much for my kid. I've made gifts, necklaces and jerky. I'll be making fudge too, because I can't seem to have enough shit food around me right now. Okay, maybe I'll go back to spiced nuts....but that's not the point of this post. The point is I've been busy, I'm eating poorly, I'm a wee bit stressed about money (more so than usual) and I want those things to change. I don't want to be so busy, and come January2nd I'll be good. The food thing is a out of control. It's not just that I work around food, but it's the socializing too. I don't even have lots of that to do...just a little and I still can't keep from eating a piece of the cake though it's small...I know I don't like the icing and the cake is dry..I made the damn thing (it was beautiful however). I still ate it. I started breakfast with cookies and biscuits and gravy. I had some weird pork byproduct for lunch...at least dinner wasn't a complete shame. I did get broccoli down though it was flooded in light ranch dressing.
I'm typing/writing in a manner that doesn't suit me either. Typically I'm a many brief paragraph writer...not this fucked up stream of consciencousness. I worry that work is going to read what I write and nail me for profanity. But I also know that I'm allowed to write what I want, especially if I'm not at work and it's not about work...but I worry. I worry about future employers reading my archaic blogs and seeing that I'm less than. Less than what I don't know, but less than the person they want to hire for hundred grand a year. Oh, and yeah, that's my benchmark. I want to make that before turning 45. I'll be forty in April and won't have my MBA until I'm 41, but I think it's a reasonable goal. Perhaps a stretch but so is running a half marathon and I think I'll do that in 2008 as well. I'm shooting for a 5K in February, maybe a 10K in the summer, so I think I should be able to do a half marathon in the fall. So long as injury doesn't get in my way.
Whew...........I need to get to bed. I'm going to have to edit this post too at a later date because leaving it like this makes me uneasy.

Night.

High School Boys

I get coworkers giving me props all the time...but yesterday was the best one yet. I work at the state Deaf school. A high school boy who was hit by some real personal tragedy this year (brother committed suicide) has been walking around with his head bowed and really not communicating much. Well, yesterday he stopped me when no one was looking to say, "Noticed you've lost a lot weight, you look really great."
I said, "Wow, thanks. I've been working hard."
He said, "Great job" and "keep it up!” I got a huge smile from him too.

You know most kids are pretty self absorbed. I’ve had one chubby girl ask me what I was doing. I’ve had one sweetheart girl give me a huge hug and wow. I’ve had two gay boys, essentially say, “look at you!” But this boy has more reason than most not to be bothered with adults like me...so it just took me by surprise. His encouragement was so meaningful too.

I’m really awestruck at how much people are cheering me on.

I had SURGERY?! HELLO

Have you ever kicked your own ass? Actually I was just writing on the LBT forum about the fact that I committed to losing weight January 1st, 2007 and I had lost 23 pound before surgery because I wanted to be 100% successful.

It's true. I did that. I thought that. I believed that.

My mantra was, "Eating like that won't get me to the goal I want." I thought that as I walked away from cakes, cookies, barbecued ribs. I politely excused myself from sweetly offered lunches out with the fellas. (In one of the nicest offers to grab lunch a maintenance man I work with asked me to join the guys for Tuesday wings. I said "no thanks".)

Today I ate like shit. I had corn chips and chicken nuggets. I ate some of a candy bar. I had a bagel with peanut butter. I didn't eat in a way that is aligned with getting me to my goals.

I lost sight of what it is I'm supposed to be doing with myself right now. For those of you not privy to the Strategic Plan of my life. 05-09 is about losing weight and getting my undergrad and graduate degrees. Also raising my kid, loving my SO who is in an adjoining state and working full time. There's being a president of a board and other commitments too. But really it's about living the life that I designed, not one that was pieced together from the remnits, left over from a unfocused childhood.

So in the process of dooling out solicited advice, I caught wind myself of my own words. I need to get my mantra back. I need to make the choices that get me to where I want to be. And low, I do believe I shall.

Drunk Dial

Is it a "Drunk Dial" if everything is cool between you and your sweetie but she's calling you a bit tipsy?
Seems the SO is on a business trip and had a few martinis and the urge to chat. "Hello."

I'm amused. She delights me to no end.

Okay, about the damn band. Actually, the band is fantastic, but I need a fill. I was hoping to be the UBER rock star bandster and do this with few fills. I guess going for fill #2 at nearly 9 months out is few fills, huh?

My weight has slowed to about 5 pounds a month. I was so used to 10 pounds a month. Reason tells me that rate wasn't going to last, but damn it a girl had some expectations!

But when spring gets here I see me hitting the bike hard again. And there is, dare I write it down, so I commit, a 5K I'm shooting for in February. AP is going to run with me. We've become workout buddies. She finds me inspirational and I think she's pretty damn cool. We do Aron's kick ass workout twice a week and our own stuff other days. Yesterday we did it side by side and it was so much more encouraging. I'm giving her nutrition advice, not that I have the credentials, but hell, I'm a professional dieter. Oh and I do feed people so I know a little.

Thanksgiving is coming and I'm not stressed about what I'm going to eat or not eat. That's freakin' unreal. I'm excited to be cooking for the family. It's been a long time since I've entertained and I miss it so much.

The house is getting nicer and nicer, I'm about ready to start hosting dinner parties again. Well, when there's time...But I'm going to make it happen. I really love it.

Over and Out.

Between Classes

I know this is about my weight loss, but really it's about my life and my life right now is very much about school and weight loss.

I've got one more class before I start graduate school. No, I don't have a BS, or a BA, but I am enrolled in an accelerated under + grad program at the local business college. Come August of 09 I'll have my MBA and a degree in Business Management. I've been at this for nearly 3 years solid. 20 months to go.

Anyway, this weekend has me between the last class and starting the next one. It's an unsettling feeling. I was very busy the last two weeks, that culminated in a few very large papers. And now I have the lull where I'm worried about what it is I will be learning next. I do well, I will do well but I'm disquieted.

Learned to put inner tubes on my road bike today. God love Miss J and her willingness to do anything bicycling related, like lessons in November in my cobweb decorated basement.

I did get a BodyBugg, which is a calorie counting device that I wear all the time. I log my calories consumed at the same site and get a comparison about what kind of deficit I'm hopefully running at. Way cool.

The weekend was filled with friends and cooking, two things I don't spend much time on these days. Being between classes there was time in the schedule and that's a wonderful thing.

Wow three times a week.

There's some real work avoidance happening here.

I ordered a Bodybugg this week. I can't wait to get it. I think it will inspire a renewed diligence to recording my food and working these freaking pounds off of me.

I've got a huge paper due on Sunday, an work audit in a week and I can't pull away from the here and LBT. That's some stuff considering.

Going out tonight with old friends. I know there will be drinking involved. I hope not to over do it. And that means more than 2 because ol' Juli here is light weight when it comes to drinking. But I'm going out with drinkers...and you know, when in Rome.

Between now and then I'll be spending 2 hours in the gym. All is good.

Better Still

Today was better and hopefully tomorrow will be better still. I stayed away from the coffee, though I did have some dark chocolate, but it was at night, not at my desk and it was thoughtful, not just cause.

I worked out hard today. I will again tomorrow. I've had this goal to go to a boxing gym and give it a try. That's supposed to happen on Saturday, but I've yet to call. I'm acting all chicken. It's not because of my size, it's just my discomfort doing new things. I like my life calm and steady. (That's how she got my attention.)

I did go and get fitted for running shoes today though. I'd like to say my time on the treadmill felt like I was floating on air. But I forgot a sports' bra and was too busy holding my boobs while running to notice my feet. Good thing I was alone in the gym, otherwise I'd probably given running a pass today. But the one minute on and one minute walk is working out fine. Just fine.

I was unusually tired today too. I actually took a nap after work. That was delightful. Now of course I'm wide ass awake but I have reading to do that will surely put me to sleep. Off to do that now.

Fun, fun.

October October

Ugh.
My eating isn't focused at all. Today I actually pulled my head out of my ass for a minute and got away from eating sugar and coffee. It's like if I allow myself coffee in the morning it's all over for the day. Well that's how it feels at the end of they cycle. I'll go a few weeks with out coffee, drinking tea etc. Then I buy a coffee, be it Starbucks or at work and the next thing you know I'm drinking it everyday, then I'm having two and that's a good 200 calories because I like it creamy...so then it's easier to let the chocolate slide in.

I'm hoping I can do it tomorrow as well. Really I need to do a little better tomorrow again. I know I'll be working out like a maniac tomorrow and Wednesday. Lord I hope a lose a few pounds between the old head out of the ass and eating better....

I've lost my manners

I was just eating some scrambled eggs at work, at my desk, and the texture was off, too hard, so with out thinking I spit it back on to my plate.

I didn’t even think someone might be looking. The second the food hit the plate I look up with a line of spit from my lip still attached to the yucky little pile, just to catch a co-workers’ eye.

Nice.

That’s right, I might be getting all sexy-fine as another co-worker calls me. But that, that was really hot. I'm so proud.

Fifty Percent

I've lost half of my weight I'm intending on losing. That means I'm down 90 pounds. It is a lot of weight to lose, the 90 but more so the 180.

I've been glued to LBT and I'm not sure why. I'm feeling the weight loss is more real, but visualizing the out come has become increasing difficult. I really try not to think about it.

Yesterday, A offered to do some kind of celebration when I get to my goal. I hadn't thought about that. I've thought about the party I want when I get done with school, but not the weight...hmmmm

So while biking my 32 miles later in the day I pondered this, because it felt weird. I think it has to do with school being finite. Being morbidly obese, (MO) will never end, it's an illness I'll recover from but having an eating disorder will be something I will always have to manage, it will never end.

That's a new thought. I know there's help out there for people managing long term illnesses and I think that's my next avenue to explore. It doesn't make me sad, nor does the thought of never getting away from my eating issues make me want die. Once upon a time, I'd probably just bury the thought under a pile of food and forget the feelings. But you know, I've become the girl of no excuses. Now that I see the MO in a different light, like never ending, but manageable, I'm going to have to pick that a part.

It doesn't feel like an epiphany either. It just seems like yet another descriptor of myself, like green eyes and cute feet. Girl with illness. Hell, anyone who looked/s at me knows there's something a miss. Funny I'm just now seeing it in that way. And managing an illness is better than being on the end of the tail. You know the end of long tail flails around, not really sure which way it wag. Managing is at the base and there may be some movement but the arc isn't nearly as wide.

I need to clean up metaphor. I know what I mean.....ha!

Well, there's that.

Montly?

Am I moving to monthly posts?

I've just been super busy. I think I get to breathe a minute here soon.

I've been over booked. Who ever said fat people are lazy never met me. I always have too many things going on.

What's cool to report now is that I have a trainer. A free trainer so I'm not sure how long she'll last but I'm happy to be working with her. Her name is Renee. I'm not all spiritual, or anything but I was struck with her appearance when she crossed my path as if she were sent there to help me over my 'blahs' about this whole weight loss process.

I've been burning things pretty hard and it seemed as if I had to loosen some of my structure around how I'm doing the weight loss stuff. Journal less, exercise less, just stop being rigid. But low and behold someone offers to work with me and encourages my progress, it's just impossible to say, "How about later?"

Yeah!

And I met other LBTers in Fort Wayne this weekend for a bike trip. They were cool. Two women and a guy. The ride was beautiful and the humor was thick. I think we hoped to connect a little better than we did, but all in all, they were good people and enjoyable.

Did I talk about my first fill? It was done under fluoro 6 days ago. Eating is way different now. I have to keep it a bit squishy still. I tried some straight up chicken breast and had a huge PB. So I make everything a little saucy now.

The teachers came back from summer brake and have been full of praise. It' makes me happy. I say I've worked hard to lose this weight but it doesn't feel like work. I've just changed my priorities and it feels right. I miss biking when I don't get out there enough, like yesterday and today would have been biking days but I was too busy with school yesterday and today it was too hot to be outside at 5pm. I've got a ride Saturday morning planned. So there's that.

A wee bit funky about school but that's getting better. Work was stellar today and that's more rare than I can say.

Peace lovelies.

1st Fill

Yesterday I got my first fill. I'm a little late to the game, typically they happen at 6 weeks and I'm at 5 months post op. Go ahead, call me a rock star. My surgeon does.

Yesterday, he said that he sees me dropping my next 50 pretty quickly. I hope he is right.

I've not had any issues with the fill so far. It's just as I expect. I'm not eating solid food just yet so I don't know really how it's going to go, but the mushy stuff is going down and that's really the bigger issue at this very minute. I'm able to drink enough while riding not to get dehydrated either.

My schedule is a bit crazy this session at school. I'm not traveling to see the GF until the end of the quarter. Though she is coming down here for Labor Day, probably. We have a giant bike ride to do that weekend too. Yippie.

I'm loving the biking. I'm glad I've found a sport that I can do and continually challenge myself on. You know I can increase milage, rates of speed or hills to constantely improve.

I'm going to be getting a trainer in November I believe. Then come February I'm going to start running. Maybe I'll start running sooner. I wonder outloud and to myself how running will mix with biking. It's just something I want to do and need to figure out benchmarks to reach for. CRAZY.

Off to get something squishy to eat then to the movies with Neal. :)

hmmmmmmmm

Not feeling it too much right now.

The weight not moving for a solid month is frustrating beyond words. At first I think it was a natural plateau, but then added to it was the notion I could eat more because I cycle...well I got busy with my insane school schedule and I didn't exercise as much (though still around 4 times a week) and the weight wasn't budging.

Then just recently the vacation kept losing at a distance. Perhaps it was those ice cream cones and bottles of wine? Bagels every day at breakfast? Very few vegetables? The GF came out worse than me, she gained 6 pounds. Tisk, tisk...

Anyway, I get a fill on Monday and I'm getting my ass back on the bike tomorrow. Plus my schedule with school isn't nearly as demanding this session. I am in the class room for the first time and it will take away one of my biking nights, but I can still hit the gym everyday. And really, that's the key. Consistency.

Also, I'm going to get on here or somewhere and realign my thinking with my goals...got to do more than modify my behavior, I've got to engage the cognitive piece too.

Aside from all that the vacation week has been a blast and I still have one more day. And really, eating all kinds of shit that I wouldn't normally let pass my lips was fun and interesting. Fun in that it tasted good, but interesting because I felt like shit regularly and I used to feel like that all the time. I nearly forgot how miserable too much food makes one feel.

Va Kay Shun

On vacation in P-Town. What a happy, queer place to be. Me and the GF are having a good time.

Eating could be better, we are having wine often and sweets here and there and simple carbs at breakfast at times but all in all we are doing okay. Yesterday we rented bikes and today we walked our asses to the gym to get a great cardio workout. We also walked a bunch...so I'm not to freaked about the food.

Well I can't step on the scale, but before I left home I was on a three week plateau! I was stressed with a rough session at school, taking two classes in stead of one, (One is full time as these classes are accelerated). And getting work situated so I could leave for a week....and I'm at about the peak of my ability to work this band without a fill....so I did what a smart girl should do. I called the doctor and made an appointment for Monday to get my first fill. It's been 5 months since my surgery. I believe it's time.

Wow a month...

It's been an entire month and no blogging. Could it be my insane school load this session? I'm blaming that for everything else like the plateau from hell, to forgetting appointments, to being a grumpy pain in the ass.

Excuses work for me.

The plateau is the longest one to date. I've been flitting between 241 and 239 for three weeks. THREE FREAKING WEEKS!!!

I've been biking like crazy too. I get either 50+ or 100+ miles a week depending on my Zoe schedule. But I've also been eating more because the doctor said I could because I bike...and I'm wasn't strength training so much.

Well, that changed today. I'm at about 1100 calories today and I got in the gym for a full hour. That's 30 on the elyptical and 30 strength training. I noticed the last few days my back feeling sore and pulling. I know it's because I laid off the exercising, so that got me motivated today. That and the stuck scale, and when I went into the fitness center a pal was in there and she encouraged me to stick it out and do my whole routine.

It's strange, I usually LOVE the strength part and don't care for the cardio....

Anyway, I bike with a group of lesbians on the weekends and that's been super cool. My regular, get it done route is 20 miles now, which amazes me, considering 20 miles royally kicked my ass 2 months ago. I tried to set some heavy duty goals for the fall, but real life is getting in the way, I have to work a weekend A and I were going to shoot for 62 miles...so I've let go of the competitive thing with biking I was doing to myself. That's nice actually...my stress level is a bit high from the classes...


Whew...

So here I am.

They'd call this being stuck. I'm stuck in a rut, on a plateau, not feeling the diet part of this endeavor and just plain down.

I've not lost any weight in over ten days. I actually need to look and count the days, it could be longer. I've eaten more than typical, but I still should be due a loss shortly. I'm certainly eating fewer than 2000 daily and I still exercise. But today's bike ride was rained out. I did do some strength training though.

Tomorrow, I'll spend an hour on the cardio equipment and this weekend I'll spend at the pool with Zoe. Also I'll be doing some yard work. It's my goal to keep the calories super low this weekend, considering I'm not going for a big bike ride again until Tuesday.

I've taken to eating more on bike days and today I got burned. Then I just wanted to eat whatever I could find. Maybe I do need a fill.

I see Dr. Mikami on the 8th, I think it's the 8th, and if I'm feeling then like I am now I'll see about the fill.

On another note, I'm feeling pretty good about my relationship with A. and I'm feeling good, but stressed about my school work load. Oi.

I think I've got a picture worth posting, I'll see if I can get that up.

Later

So much...

I haven't gone for my first group ride. My last post said that I was going to, but it rained and I stayed home.

I am shooting for one tomorrow that I believe will challenge me. Yesterday I went out on my own and did 25 miles. My goal is to get to 100 miles a week. It's rather hit or miss if I get out or not right now.

But school is getting harder this session too. I'm in two classes, not one. It's excellerated so, there's a lot of work to do. And that freaks me out a bit. I know I just need to wrap my head around the work load and I'll be fine.

Went to Pride in Chicago this past weekend. Aside from one dessert (flourless chocolate cake), bagels for breakfast and lots of alcohol I did okay.

!

I was surprised the scale didn't yell at me this morning. But I'm back on the program today. I figure it's not defining, if you fall off, but how and when you get back on. I feel pretty good about my choices to eat how I ate. I knew it wasn't fantastic, but there are times when fantasic just isn't going to happen.

Although I am a bit scared for when we go to P-Town in August. I'm really going to have a plan in place before hand so as not to get too out of control. A weekend is one thing, a full week will be harder to get back aligned.

I'm looking cute and tan. I need to get a pic up soon.

kisses.

BIKE

So I bought a new road bike. The kind with skinny tires and the curved handle bars. I spent some real cash on it too. But I'm stoked.

I've also happened upon a group of lesbian cyclists who've welcomed me into their ranks. One of the leaders even helped me when I purchased my bike.

I'm riding with them tomorrow!!! I'm going out tonight, shooting for a solid 20 miles. Tomorrow's ride is 18 minimally. Buy the first of August I want to be up to 50 miles! What a fantastic goal!

And now, so you know, I am still with out a fill and I am still dropping 2.5 pounds a week. Yeah, baby...I should also be around 230 come August 4th, when we leave for Ptown.

I'm feeling good and like this. (This week...there are times when I'm not so hot about the whole damn thing, but that passes quickly!)

xo

6 mos of goals

250 pretty damn soon
230 September 1st. I'll only have 100 pounds to go.
223 October 1st. I'll have lost 50% of the excess weight.
213 November 1st. I'll have lost 100 pounds
199 before the end of the year!

I'll keep you posted!

Groggy and Tired

This is supposed to be about my weight loss, this here blog. But I'm in a bit of a haze.

I drank some wine last night, fell asleep okay, but awoke at 3:30 and fought to get back to sleep. I'm fighting with my GF in my head...

The wine/lack of sleep has me just moving through my day.

But let me talk about my weightloss... I was SHOCKED when I drop yet another pound this morning. Particularly because the wine and mussels and bread I ate yesterday...did I tell you it was delicious?! It's my goal now to take myself out once a month to a restaurant that has a chef and a wine list. I don't typically eat out much at all these days and this is so much more enjoyable than eating at some chain, e.g., applebees, fridays a few times a month. And I was out with George an old friend...he had me laughing most the night.

The grogginess is well worth it.

Goal Setting

The things I'm getting obsessed over are like setting goals and figuring where I'll be at the time, what I might be doing and so forth.

Like 226 will be 50% of my weight off. If I lose 10 pounds a month that should be the first of September.

I should be in Onederland around Thanksgiving. I should also be a size 20.

I feel a little out of control trying to find other avenues to press the weightloss thought process. It's so in the front of my mind. I know that's where it needs to be and I'm happy it's there, but I'm afraid I'm overly focused.

This too needs to go on my list of things to discuss with Chris. She is my therapist.

I started seeing her when I went through the break up 5 years ago. That lasted less than a year, I think. Or about a year.

Then when I decided to get this surgery, I knew there would be a psych evaluation and I wanted to get my thoughts in order about why I eat the way I do/did so I called her up to poke around my brain again.

Working on that stuff is the key to my success. I know it. She keeps me on point and gives be props for my moments of clearity. I'm so very grateful for that.

The other issue that's been getting at me is being awfully sad/angry with myself for allowing myself to get as heavy as I got. I know that's a "would've-should've" but it still doen't keep the pissy attitude from happening...

But I feel unstoppable. I know I am unstoppable. I am the only one who will get in my way and I'm done doing that.

Well there you go, Happy Tuesday.

Weekend Update

I spent the weekend with the GF at her place and we did pretty good with food and exercise.

It was supposed to and did rain all day Saturday and Sunday and the goal was to ride bikes. We instead did that on Friday once I arrived. It was impromtu but good. She had steaks, asparagus and king crab legs on the menu for dinner. It was delicious.

Saturday we took off for a local gym where we paid for a daily pass and worked our little buns off. It was pretty cool. I love that she is so supportive. We went back home to cook lunch instead of fighting for food that would work in a restaurant. I felt victorious, not dejected like I didn't get to eat out. --we did go to a steak house for dinner--I wanted chicken.

But it was all so very nice and good. The bad side of the weekend is that it ended a little early. She had a family emergency to tend to later on Sunday. I was planning on leaving at 6pm instead I left at noon. When I get to see her more often than once a month it feels like we are more real, not just visiting in each other's lives.

We do talk EVERYDAY and I do feel very connected to her, but it's rare that I can fold her laundry or restock the TP. Funny how that's comforting. Regular just feels nice.

Oh, and I've dropped 9 out of the 10 pounds with one week to go until I meet that goal. I know I will and so I shall remain fill less for another month.

Peace

Self Leadership

So, I'm in school full-time while I also work full-time. I'm a single mom with a 5 year old. I'm also, kicking my own ass to lose weight.

I ROCK.

And here's why. I feel like for the first time in my life I'm reaching goals set by me. I'm subject to other's timelines, like how long it will take to graduate, but I'm doing the work.

As for the weight loss I, for a change, don't feel put upon. I don't feel like I must only eat so many calories or I must workout for so many minutes. I feel like I am choosing to eat less and work out more because that will get me to my goals. And those goals aren't about looking cuter, but that's a side benefit, but goals tie back to providing for my daughter on many levels.

If I weight less:

• I can play more. She's not always going to want to play with me. I've got to do it now.
• I can make more money. Yeah, it sucks that society says fat people are less than skinny people, but I live in this society and I don't get to make the rules. I can do more for her than what was done for me. I grew up as part of the working poor. Don't get me started.
• I can live longer. My health getting better with every day and I want to feel good until the day I die. I know I might live long as a fat woman, but the quality of life the last decade or so will be dramatically affected by excess weight.

Really keeping the focus internal, not thinking this is something I've got to do because someone else says I should is key to being able to do this forever.

Or so I believe.

Whew

I don't know that I've really got much to 'whew' about. I've been working out and eating pretty well. I've come to realize that I can't graze or I'll over eat by the day's end.
I'm pretty good about watching when I eat and not going to crazy with the snacking.
Most interestingly I've given up much of the red meat I was eating. Not because it's unhealthy, but because I want to get the most food for my 1400 calories I get a day. I've been eating scads of fish so much so that I'm worried about mercury. I need to get on line and research about what's too much or if farm raised is better than wild. Also, I'm making more chicken. I forgot about chicken! Actually it's one of my least favorite meats...but I'm trying it new ways.

Anyway, just checkin in and it's going pretty well. Banded March 8th and still fill less. I'm hoping to go a good 6 months before needing a fill .

Peace.

Happy Birthday

Not to me, but to the GF. She's with her mom as they share the same birthdate. So Happy Birthday, baby.

I'm having a hard time today with food and feeling a bit out of sorts. I want to test my band to see if it's really there. WTF is that about?

I didn't feel up to doing much in the gym at work today either. I typically put in a good 1+ daily. Not today. I did 30 minutes of walking on the tredmill. I walked backwards for a few too, but that's as challenged as I got.

I had to go to Whole Foods today for my boy. I feed a kid with some SERIOUS allergies and so I go about every 3 weeks to get his food. I picked up stuff for me too and it just made me want to eat everything. Or it is that I miss things I'll never really dig my teeth into again. I CAN be a complete person having never eaten Kettle's Spicy Thai chips, right? The cheese counter there had me drooling.

No don't pity me. I'm working on the stuff and most days it doesn't bother me. Today it does. Tomorrow I'll be my stellar self.

Weekend

So my calories are up for yesterday and today and I'm dealing with it pretty well. They are up like 1800 yesterday and 1500 today, so it could be worse, but it's blowing my stats for the week. I want to measure my activity on Fitday like I do my calories so I can get a better sense of where I can make small changes.

The GF is doing lots to get in shape too. Our weekend had us biking together for the first time and working out at the hotel fitness center. It makes me happy she's right there at my side working on herself too. We are equally rigid in our take toward this.

But she's the reason my calories were up yesterday. She ordered an ice-cream and I said make it two. Duh. Such a bad choice. Really I know it's my choices.

All in all it was a nice weekend.

holy crap

I've reread some of my posts from eons ago and I'm feeling like, "wow, you've come a long way."

And I have.

The first of the year had me journalling my food on fitday.com. I was eating upwards of 4000 calories a day. No kidding. I cut back to 2500, then to 23oo, then to 1700 before surgery in March. Some people can go cold turkey but that would have killed me to have the sugar/bread cravings at the same time healing from the surgery.

Now I'm around 1400.

Since January I've lost one pound shy of 50. That's not so bad considering it's been 4 full months. My goal is 10 pounds a month.

Should I miss the 10 pound monthly marker I'll get my first fill. There's a huge post on that I'm sure I pour out later.

But all in all I'm back to being a gym rat. Which is fun and I feel great. I feel fit and energetic and like I'm never going to stop. The GF is working out too, eventhough she's in MI, we talk daily about how we are changing to be more healthy.

I did reveal my weight to her. For the last 2.5 years we had a running joke, or understanding, that I would tell her my weight when she told me her income. She makes ass loads of money and is on the regular size of things. I make little money and on the big size of things. Anyway, with the surgery and all the talk, I got tired of talking around the numbers, so I told her. I braced myself and said, "okay, what do you make?" She replied, "You really don't want to know." And I guess I don't. It's only a number.

And she's paying for vacation in August!

Later all.

Getting back into the game

We'll see how much of this I write about.

I've been banded. Years later it's happened. March 8th as a matter of fact.

I'll do more. Trying to get the picture thing down.

This would be a before pic.