I got insurance approval yesterday afternoon for my surgery!
I didn't sleep a wink last night. Really it was 2am when I last looked at the clock. I get up at 6:30.
Regardless, I'm a happy girl.
If things go as scheduled I'll be having the surgery on December 19th. I'm learning not to put too much stock in the time frame others give me. But I do hope that's the day. It will fit my life perfectly. I'll be done with school for the quarter. Work will be closed the second week of my recovery. (I plan on being off work for 2 weeks.) And my initial week back to work will be quiet, because most the staff and all the kids will be gone. I can't be happier.
I also want to take a minute to acknowledge that this isn't going to be easy, and I know that. I want to be successful and I'm putting things into place to make sure that I am. I'm working out 4 to 5 days a week now. I plan on continuing that. I'm not so sure how my energy level will be with a liquid diet, but I'll make sure to get the right stuff in me to keep moving forward. I'm continuing with counseling as I go through this too. I know the emotional stuff can and will drag me down if I don't keep on top of it.
Not having coffee for 6 months is going to be the worse part of all of this. I say that now, having only had 4.5 hours of sleep.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
gotta get the pic thing situated
Apparently I need to figure out how to do the picture thing on here.
My case is under review with the insurance company. I should have an answer with 2 weeks. I don't know how quickly after that I'll get to have my surgery. This has been quite a year. If I were going to give up on the idea I'd have done it already.
But I have no desire to give it up.
I've been working out the last two weeks. One more week and I'll desire working out more than I'll desire sitting on my ass. But my body is hurting a bit. It's not too bad...actually it's rather cool to feel like I'm getting stronger already, or have having the ability to do a full 30 minutes of cardio.
A gave me an iPod for our anniversary. I LOVE IT! For working out it's the best thing ever. I'm trying to comprise my workout play list. I've got some stuff on there, I need to buy more music, but I'm cheaping out. I need to figure out the P2P sharing stuff. As you can see I need to get a bit more technically savvy.
It will happen. No doubt.
Well, soon I'll be posting before pictures. I'm actually going to take them wearing my bathing suit, which is astonishingly brave. But what the hell. It's an education. People need to know what fat women look like.
Kisses.
Jae
My case is under review with the insurance company. I should have an answer with 2 weeks. I don't know how quickly after that I'll get to have my surgery. This has been quite a year. If I were going to give up on the idea I'd have done it already.
But I have no desire to give it up.
I've been working out the last two weeks. One more week and I'll desire working out more than I'll desire sitting on my ass. But my body is hurting a bit. It's not too bad...actually it's rather cool to feel like I'm getting stronger already, or have having the ability to do a full 30 minutes of cardio.
A gave me an iPod for our anniversary. I LOVE IT! For working out it's the best thing ever. I'm trying to comprise my workout play list. I've got some stuff on there, I need to buy more music, but I'm cheaping out. I need to figure out the P2P sharing stuff. As you can see I need to get a bit more technically savvy.
It will happen. No doubt.
Well, soon I'll be posting before pictures. I'm actually going to take them wearing my bathing suit, which is astonishingly brave. But what the hell. It's an education. People need to know what fat women look like.
Kisses.
Jae
Monday, September 18, 2006
2 weeks
Been six months and two weeks to be sure. I called the docs and gently reminded them to send in the info to the insurace wranglers. I did that on Friday. Gonna call tomorrow to see that is was done.
The insurance wrangler or wench or HBIC said I should expect about 3 weeks for my insurance company to come back with a decision, then getting on his schedule to have the surgery shouldn't take much time at all. With the caveate that he may want me to have more tests done, but probably not.
I plugged the C-pap machine back in last night. The insurance woman said they'll want me to have been on it for weeks. I of course have had the machine for months but I hate using it, and I don't use it consistantly. But that too is changing.
So speaking of change I'm faced with the fact that I need to change how I eat now. Not later. I know that will change too, but I've got to get some control over how I put food in my mouth. It's irrational the way I eat. So here's to tomorrow being a better, more controlled day. No giant portions and no free for all when it comes to food.
Alison is making me a little scared about doing this too. But that her shit. She keeps saying that she's worried she won't find skinny me as attractive as chubby me. But there's balance with that too, she says it's me that she loves, the inside stuff. The package isn't all that important. How many fat chicks would love to hear that from their partners? Lucky I guess.
Later darlings.
The insurance wrangler or wench or HBIC said I should expect about 3 weeks for my insurance company to come back with a decision, then getting on his schedule to have the surgery shouldn't take much time at all. With the caveate that he may want me to have more tests done, but probably not.
I plugged the C-pap machine back in last night. The insurance woman said they'll want me to have been on it for weeks. I of course have had the machine for months but I hate using it, and I don't use it consistantly. But that too is changing.
So speaking of change I'm faced with the fact that I need to change how I eat now. Not later. I know that will change too, but I've got to get some control over how I put food in my mouth. It's irrational the way I eat. So here's to tomorrow being a better, more controlled day. No giant portions and no free for all when it comes to food.
Alison is making me a little scared about doing this too. But that her shit. She keeps saying that she's worried she won't find skinny me as attractive as chubby me. But there's balance with that too, she says it's me that she loves, the inside stuff. The package isn't all that important. How many fat chicks would love to hear that from their partners? Lucky I guess.
Later darlings.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Six months are up...
Today was the last of my six months of doctor supervised visits. Yea Haw.
Can't say the PCP was all that enthused or encoraging. I'm frustrated with her almost to the point of wanting to switch. How can a fat girl get good doctoring from a doc who doesn't get that fat happens because of bigger issues other than lack of self control.
Anyway, items from her and the shrink need to be sent to the insurance collectors and then I will wait to hear for approval from Med Ohio.
Then I wait to hear from the clinic.
Then I get a surgery date.
Then I get it done.
Then I recover.
Then I move forward, with this little tool under my belt, literally....that will have me at a better weight and living a longer life.
Or so that's what I'm thinking right now.
Can't say the PCP was all that enthused or encoraging. I'm frustrated with her almost to the point of wanting to switch. How can a fat girl get good doctoring from a doc who doesn't get that fat happens because of bigger issues other than lack of self control.
Anyway, items from her and the shrink need to be sent to the insurance collectors and then I will wait to hear for approval from Med Ohio.
Then I wait to hear from the clinic.
Then I get a surgery date.
Then I get it done.
Then I recover.
Then I move forward, with this little tool under my belt, literally....that will have me at a better weight and living a longer life.
Or so that's what I'm thinking right now.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Almost July
So I see the doctor next week, then in August and lastly in September. That will wrap up the six months of doctor supervised dieting.
HA! Dieting is a joke.
I've been eating poorly and feeling poorly for it.
Truth be told I have no real moitvation for dieting right now. Playing in the back of my mind is that soon enough I will have no choice in the matter and I will be eating right for the rest of my life. I so want to do the bandster thing correctly, I don't see me fudging it, eating around the band. That's not my style.
I was rereading a few of my posts here and realize that I was writing shortly after the Big Giant Fight in February. The girl and I made up, made things better, are moving forward. One thing that came fromt he BGF is I fought back, verbally. That gained me some sort of credit in her eyes. This weekend I said something jokingly, about not giving me grief, cuz I'd fight back. She replied that she knew that and I was her equal. It's fucked up, but the girl values a toe to toe arguement and I gave her what she values so I got me some cred.
But more importantly she told me she knew the surgery was coming up and she wasn't sure how to talk to me about it, how to react to my changing body and basically wanted to know what I expected from her. Can you say, "awe shucks?" I told her to keep it positive but don't say anything she didn't mean and to love me through the process. Knowing her, I think she'll do just fine.
Off to bed.
HA! Dieting is a joke.
I've been eating poorly and feeling poorly for it.
Truth be told I have no real moitvation for dieting right now. Playing in the back of my mind is that soon enough I will have no choice in the matter and I will be eating right for the rest of my life. I so want to do the bandster thing correctly, I don't see me fudging it, eating around the band. That's not my style.
I was rereading a few of my posts here and realize that I was writing shortly after the Big Giant Fight in February. The girl and I made up, made things better, are moving forward. One thing that came fromt he BGF is I fought back, verbally. That gained me some sort of credit in her eyes. This weekend I said something jokingly, about not giving me grief, cuz I'd fight back. She replied that she knew that and I was her equal. It's fucked up, but the girl values a toe to toe arguement and I gave her what she values so I got me some cred.
But more importantly she told me she knew the surgery was coming up and she wasn't sure how to talk to me about it, how to react to my changing body and basically wanted to know what I expected from her. Can you say, "awe shucks?" I told her to keep it positive but don't say anything she didn't mean and to love me through the process. Knowing her, I think she'll do just fine.
Off to bed.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Holy Cow
Now this is a long time between posts.
What can a girl say. I've not felt much like writing. The weight loss issues are there, being dealt with. I suppose the lack of writing or the lag time has everything to do with the timeline I'm dealing with to getting the band.
In January I called for an appointment. That didn't happen until February. In March I realized I needed to do 6 months of dieting under the doctor's supervision. In in month 3. Still fat, still not doing much to change my habits.
But I am going to therapy. Today was the 5th session since the end of March. There are some great connections to food and my relationship with it. Very complex---to very simple. Sometimes a cookie is just a cookie...but sometimes that cookie offers love, understanding, validation, consolation and care when there was no one else to give it to me.
Then there's that was then and this is now and the need to adjust how I let my past influence my present and my future. All in all, progress.
Maybe not on the scale, but in my head and that is measurable at least to me, and that makes me feel good.
I plan on using this blog for a photo journal of sorts too as I move forward in this journey. So hold on.
What can a girl say. I've not felt much like writing. The weight loss issues are there, being dealt with. I suppose the lack of writing or the lag time has everything to do with the timeline I'm dealing with to getting the band.
In January I called for an appointment. That didn't happen until February. In March I realized I needed to do 6 months of dieting under the doctor's supervision. In in month 3. Still fat, still not doing much to change my habits.
But I am going to therapy. Today was the 5th session since the end of March. There are some great connections to food and my relationship with it. Very complex---to very simple. Sometimes a cookie is just a cookie...but sometimes that cookie offers love, understanding, validation, consolation and care when there was no one else to give it to me.
Then there's that was then and this is now and the need to adjust how I let my past influence my present and my future. All in all, progress.
Maybe not on the scale, but in my head and that is measurable at least to me, and that makes me feel good.
I plan on using this blog for a photo journal of sorts too as I move forward in this journey. So hold on.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Been a minute
It's been a wee bit since I posted because of finale's week. That's done. Thank god.
Since last I wrote here, I decided Byetta wasn't going to be part of my tool box. However the choice really wasn't mine to make. My PCP did some blood work, to check my cholesterol, sugars, thyroid etc, things that would indicate that I was pre-diabetic or had metabolic syndrome and come to find out I don't have any indicators, at all.
So yeah! I'm healthy. I'm fat and healthy but that's why the surgery is going to be fantastic for me.
I'm still gung ho about it. I've got my appointments set until September. I'm seeing the psychologist shortly to work on my food issues and I've got my CPAP machine. So hopefully that will allow me to get better rested and better prepared to take on this giant monster of eating disorder.
The upcoming posts are really going to be more about what's going on in my head than about the WLS process. I do want to dig into why I eat like I do and why I feel the way I feel about myself. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
Strangely enough the personal stuff. The real up close and private stuff about me the girl up north are on the other blog. There may come a time I'll have to blend the two. But for now, this is about my relationship to food and body. That one is about my relationship I have with my heart and the people I love.
K, enough said.
Since last I wrote here, I decided Byetta wasn't going to be part of my tool box. However the choice really wasn't mine to make. My PCP did some blood work, to check my cholesterol, sugars, thyroid etc, things that would indicate that I was pre-diabetic or had metabolic syndrome and come to find out I don't have any indicators, at all.
So yeah! I'm healthy. I'm fat and healthy but that's why the surgery is going to be fantastic for me.
I'm still gung ho about it. I've got my appointments set until September. I'm seeing the psychologist shortly to work on my food issues and I've got my CPAP machine. So hopefully that will allow me to get better rested and better prepared to take on this giant monster of eating disorder.
The upcoming posts are really going to be more about what's going on in my head than about the WLS process. I do want to dig into why I eat like I do and why I feel the way I feel about myself. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
Strangely enough the personal stuff. The real up close and private stuff about me the girl up north are on the other blog. There may come a time I'll have to blend the two. But for now, this is about my relationship to food and body. That one is about my relationship I have with my heart and the people I love.
K, enough said.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Adjusted
So I've adjusted my thinking and my time line. The surgery will happen. Absolutely. It's just going to be 6 months later than I thought.
There's plenty to do between here and there. I've scheduled every one of my appointments with the PCP. But there is school and the house and work and living and I can't let this thing get set me back. And I wont.
Looking at careers, what is the best direction to take my change. Market Manager might be the ticket.
Upbeat, Fat and still very happy.
There's plenty to do between here and there. I've scheduled every one of my appointments with the PCP. But there is school and the house and work and living and I can't let this thing get set me back. And I wont.
Looking at careers, what is the best direction to take my change. Market Manager might be the ticket.
Upbeat, Fat and still very happy.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
whoa
Put the breaks on.
Not so fast.
This isn't going to happen until November, the best I can tell.
Apparently I need 6 months of doctor supervised non surgical dieting before I'm able to submit for precertification for my actual surgery. Add 2 months of paper work and processing, it looks like around Thanksgiving I'll be doing this.
I annoyed and hurt and frustrated.
I'm annoyed no one made mention of this to me until now, two months after I started looking into things. I guess I could have been more proactive, looked at the website to get the criteria, and call my doctor. I'm hurt that the man with the giant mouth, I mean that literally, the man-the patient counselor-the person whom I am to direct all my questions and concerns at Barix-has too many teeth in his mouth or something. They overwhelm his face...Anyway he told me to expect to have the surgery in 90-120 days from the time of my consultation. That would be April to June. Not FREAKING November.
And I'm frustrated. Just because. I know I've gone years being fat. I just saw this as a solution that would have me being healthier sooner rather than later.
And yeah, a girl can diet. I'm gonna be dieting but then how successful do I really want to be, or can I be? It seem counterintuitive if you ask me. But what the fuck ever.
I have an appointment Monday with my PCP, we're going to start her supervised weightloss process. That should be painful just from the prospective that I will have ZERO buy-in in the process. Just biding my time.
And don't get me wrong. I've been working out, I've been thinking about better choices...I do this shit regularly...I just know me and I know why I want the Band. It keeps a girl from over eating or emotionally eating...things that make me fat.
How badly do I want to bury myself in a pile of comfort food right this very minute?
Bitches. Really.
Not so fast.
This isn't going to happen until November, the best I can tell.
Apparently I need 6 months of doctor supervised non surgical dieting before I'm able to submit for precertification for my actual surgery. Add 2 months of paper work and processing, it looks like around Thanksgiving I'll be doing this.
I annoyed and hurt and frustrated.
I'm annoyed no one made mention of this to me until now, two months after I started looking into things. I guess I could have been more proactive, looked at the website to get the criteria, and call my doctor. I'm hurt that the man with the giant mouth, I mean that literally, the man-the patient counselor-the person whom I am to direct all my questions and concerns at Barix-has too many teeth in his mouth or something. They overwhelm his face...Anyway he told me to expect to have the surgery in 90-120 days from the time of my consultation. That would be April to June. Not FREAKING November.
And I'm frustrated. Just because. I know I've gone years being fat. I just saw this as a solution that would have me being healthier sooner rather than later.
And yeah, a girl can diet. I'm gonna be dieting but then how successful do I really want to be, or can I be? It seem counterintuitive if you ask me. But what the fuck ever.
I have an appointment Monday with my PCP, we're going to start her supervised weightloss process. That should be painful just from the prospective that I will have ZERO buy-in in the process. Just biding my time.
And don't get me wrong. I've been working out, I've been thinking about better choices...I do this shit regularly...I just know me and I know why I want the Band. It keeps a girl from over eating or emotionally eating...things that make me fat.
How badly do I want to bury myself in a pile of comfort food right this very minute?
Bitches. Really.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Sleep Study
I didn't sleep.
I tossed and turned and woke before I was awakened.
There were 24 wires attached to me, most in my scalp. I felt like Medusa.
I came home, took a shower to get all the gunk out of my hair and hit the sheets. At home, I slept for 4 hours. Then I got myself to work.
Today I told Miss H and Miss B that I was signing up for the surgery. It felt nice, like I was done hiding a secret from my friends.
The girlfriend and I are talking and relating and loving on each other like we're going to mend.
But my world is full. Not overly concerned if we don't, but rather hoping that we do.
Night.
I tossed and turned and woke before I was awakened.
There were 24 wires attached to me, most in my scalp. I felt like Medusa.
I came home, took a shower to get all the gunk out of my hair and hit the sheets. At home, I slept for 4 hours. Then I got myself to work.
Today I told Miss H and Miss B that I was signing up for the surgery. It felt nice, like I was done hiding a secret from my friends.
The girlfriend and I are talking and relating and loving on each other like we're going to mend.
But my world is full. Not overly concerned if we don't, but rather hoping that we do.
Night.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Boo Hoo
We broke up yesterday.
Part of my words were, "my life is messy and you don't like messy." And really, my life is pretty tame. I'm a single mom, work full-time and I'm back in college full-time. I work everyday toward my plans and goals to make my trip on this planet the best experience I can have. Daily I am grateful for this little life of mine. My pending banding is part of meeting important personal goals. I want my daughter to have an active, healthy mom.
I can't help but think my sweetie or ex-sweetie can't handle that I'm signing up for surgery and that's a huge part of our fight. She hasn't said anything derogatory but is noticeably disquieted when I talk about the details and changes that are required with the band. I'm relatively stable emotionally, but I can't deny that dealing with a lifetime of fat issues is surfacing now. I think that while waiting for the band to get approved by my insurance is a great time to unravel the ugly emotional knots of my obesity. I’m not medicated for emotional issues, I have been in the past and there are times when I think it might not be a bad idea now. But those are passing thoughts. I honestly think I’ve got a decent handle on what makes me tick. I just thought I was with someone who could handle me a little unfiltered and raw.
I was wrong and I'm sad.
But I'm lucky my support, my family and friends are looking out for me and loving me and will see me through all of this.
And no, I will not reconsider getting my band. I have to live in this body. I have do all that I can to be healthy and I know the band is going to be a great tool in getting there.
And, yeah I came home a day early, so what did I do with my holiday? I took myself to the gym and spent an extra hour reacquainting myself with strength training. It was on my list for Wednesday. Like I said I have a plan.
Part of my words were, "my life is messy and you don't like messy." And really, my life is pretty tame. I'm a single mom, work full-time and I'm back in college full-time. I work everyday toward my plans and goals to make my trip on this planet the best experience I can have. Daily I am grateful for this little life of mine. My pending banding is part of meeting important personal goals. I want my daughter to have an active, healthy mom.
I can't help but think my sweetie or ex-sweetie can't handle that I'm signing up for surgery and that's a huge part of our fight. She hasn't said anything derogatory but is noticeably disquieted when I talk about the details and changes that are required with the band. I'm relatively stable emotionally, but I can't deny that dealing with a lifetime of fat issues is surfacing now. I think that while waiting for the band to get approved by my insurance is a great time to unravel the ugly emotional knots of my obesity. I’m not medicated for emotional issues, I have been in the past and there are times when I think it might not be a bad idea now. But those are passing thoughts. I honestly think I’ve got a decent handle on what makes me tick. I just thought I was with someone who could handle me a little unfiltered and raw.
I was wrong and I'm sad.
But I'm lucky my support, my family and friends are looking out for me and loving me and will see me through all of this.
And no, I will not reconsider getting my band. I have to live in this body. I have do all that I can to be healthy and I know the band is going to be a great tool in getting there.
And, yeah I came home a day early, so what did I do with my holiday? I took myself to the gym and spent an extra hour reacquainting myself with strength training. It was on my list for Wednesday. Like I said I have a plan.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Am I Lazy?
I write that for a few reasons.
I'm giving this address out to more and more people, because I don't feel all that inclined to call everyone and tell them the most recent information. I figure:
many birds-one stone
~OR~
many friend-one blog
But the idea that having a c-pap machine or even the actual surgery will give me more energy and I'll be able to get more done makes me want to take a nap. What I mean by that is I think I do ALOT already. I'm a single mom caring for a kid and maintaining a house by myself, I work full time and I go to school full time. Oh, and then there is scrapping. I don't watch much TV. I can't imagine doing more.
Maybe the difference will be I'll feel better about doing it. Who knows. :)
The sleep study is now next week. I called Barix this week and the patient contact man wasn't fabulous. I wanted fabulous...I think I annoyed him. I understand I can be annoying, but hell, I was only asking questions.
Oh well, I'll be checking with my insurance again soon, see what they can tell me.
Peace, ya' all.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Post Poned
I've post poned my sleep study because my head is full. It's full of snot and I can't breathe through my nose without some fantastic drugs.
I love the drugs. I'm not giving up the drugs, not until this sickness is gone.
At anyrate, what's one more week when I'm looking 3 months before the insurance company approves me.
Makes me think, I need to call them to see where that's at in the system. I went on line to check my account and there aren't any indicators that anyone has inquired. But what they put online for me to read and what is really happening can be two different things.
Happy Valentines Day to me.
I love the drugs. I'm not giving up the drugs, not until this sickness is gone.
At anyrate, what's one more week when I'm looking 3 months before the insurance company approves me.
Makes me think, I need to call them to see where that's at in the system. I went on line to check my account and there aren't any indicators that anyone has inquired. But what they put online for me to read and what is really happening can be two different things.
Happy Valentines Day to me.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Hi Mum.
Aint this something? I've given my mother this address. To be sure, she'll be reading. Mum's pretty savvy on the net and an avid reader.
Hope this gives you the play by play that your neglecting daughter doesn't call you with.
Went to see the sleep study doctor this morning. I got in really fast because of someone else's cancellation. Yippy.
I'll be sleeping in a bed not my own on Valentine's day. That's Tuesday next week. How speedy is that? Apparently nobody else wants that night, they have romantic plans. The scheduler made me feel a pathetic about being available that night so much so, I had to say I got me a honey. It's just a long distance thing. How amazing is that? I'm so concerned about this person's opinion of me I'm sharing details I don't need to be sharing. Oi.
Will I ever be able to not over share? It goes back to that whole gay thing. There's this running joke that I introduce myself, "Hi, I'm Juli. I'm a lesbian." No I don't want to wear a pink triangle on my lapel, but I can see the benefit of not having to perpetually come out. Over and over and over again.
It's exhausting.
So sleep study. Go back in two weeks for a follow up, go back in 2 weeks again. Those are the next steps.
Hope this gives you the play by play that your neglecting daughter doesn't call you with.
Went to see the sleep study doctor this morning. I got in really fast because of someone else's cancellation. Yippy.
I'll be sleeping in a bed not my own on Valentine's day. That's Tuesday next week. How speedy is that? Apparently nobody else wants that night, they have romantic plans. The scheduler made me feel a pathetic about being available that night so much so, I had to say I got me a honey. It's just a long distance thing. How amazing is that? I'm so concerned about this person's opinion of me I'm sharing details I don't need to be sharing. Oi.
Will I ever be able to not over share? It goes back to that whole gay thing. There's this running joke that I introduce myself, "Hi, I'm Juli. I'm a lesbian." No I don't want to wear a pink triangle on my lapel, but I can see the benefit of not having to perpetually come out. Over and over and over again.
It's exhausting.
So sleep study. Go back in two weeks for a follow up, go back in 2 weeks again. Those are the next steps.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Today's thoughts
So, Viclianco is doctor A, my family physican is doctor B, and the new guy is doctor C.
Doctor C got back to me. He apparently will be STARTING to do the procedure this summer. I didn't hang around to find out what the next steps would be to be his first lapband patient. Call me crazy, but I'll take my chances at a stand alone facility over an inexperienced doctor. He can learn on someone not me.
I just wish I could hurry along the process.
I'm feeling pretty giant. I know I can actively lose weight right now as I wait and I'm probably going to, just because I'm eating better, moving more and drinking all the water. Just to get in the right frame of mind. But FFS, I wanted this done a month ago. How long is it going to be?
The debate in my head is who do I tell. Right now I'm keeping rather mum at work. Only the big fatties and Emm am I sharing with. The fatties or used to be fatties, get it. Emm just gets to hear nearly every passing thought in my head. There's no not telling her. How do I erect a sign that says don't even say a word? I already have a pretty scathing sheild around me. I like being unapproachable. It alarms people when I do actually smile. Can't think I'm vapid. Okay, there's a giant step between nice and vapid, but I'm keeping with my original story.
Until later,
Doctor C got back to me. He apparently will be STARTING to do the procedure this summer. I didn't hang around to find out what the next steps would be to be his first lapband patient. Call me crazy, but I'll take my chances at a stand alone facility over an inexperienced doctor. He can learn on someone not me.
I just wish I could hurry along the process.
I'm feeling pretty giant. I know I can actively lose weight right now as I wait and I'm probably going to, just because I'm eating better, moving more and drinking all the water. Just to get in the right frame of mind. But FFS, I wanted this done a month ago. How long is it going to be?
The debate in my head is who do I tell. Right now I'm keeping rather mum at work. Only the big fatties and Emm am I sharing with. The fatties or used to be fatties, get it. Emm just gets to hear nearly every passing thought in my head. There's no not telling her. How do I erect a sign that says don't even say a word? I already have a pretty scathing sheild around me. I like being unapproachable. It alarms people when I do actually smile. Can't think I'm vapid. Okay, there's a giant step between nice and vapid, but I'm keeping with my original story.
Until later,
Saturday, February 04, 2006
sleep study
Dr. Viglianco, the lapband doc wants me to get a sleep study. I have to do that through my primary care physician, Dr. Sams.
Yesterday I called Sams. She wants me to look at a different doctor who is affiliated with a hospital, not in a stand alone facility. She's still having her people set me up for the sleep study because either/any doctor is going to want it. Her concern is if there are complication during surgery being in a hospital will save precious moments. I get it. I also get that I'd rather have a doctor who only does WLS. Also, I want this surgery right now! (Insert a foot stomping, 6 year temper tantrum here.) It took me a month to get in with Dr. Vig.
I called the other doctor. I do keep my word. Why is it that I was annoyed that there wasn't a "new patient" prompt in the automated system. I finally got some administrator who connected me and gave me the extension of the right person. I called Friday morning, left a message. Called again in the afternoon and left a message. No response. Ohh, I'm not feeling good about this practice. I know people are busy, but in a money generating business you need to pretend to care.
Let us never forget that we are consumers of a product/service. This is America and this is a capitalistic society. You sell a service, I buy it, you act like I'm important and I tell everyone you're the best person I gave my money to. It's easy.
There was a news piece on the local news about lapbands yesterday afternoon. Seems like this is going to become a popular procedure. I can certainly understand why.
On the GF note, she asked if my people thought she put me up to the surgery. Or blamed her in some way for me deciding right now to do this. When I told Gee about the conversation, she said the only obvious thing this points out is that GF hasn't learned yet that I don't do a damn thing I don't want to do.
And reassuringly enough, while talking with the EX about the whole thing, and I'm talking to the EX about the whole thing because it does impact on her via the kid and the kid's schedule, she was supportive. The woman can make explanations for everything (or excuses) and sometimes there's a real benefit to that skill. She said it was clear that I've tried other ways and other ways don't work. This is a reasonable next step.
Back in 2001, January as I recall, we were still together and I said I wanted to have a RNY surgery. I was 40 heavier than I am right now. She said that she'd never really witnessed me trying to diet. Which was true. So I tried. I joined WW and lost 75 lbs. Yeah me! Really it was -90 at that point. There were a 15 that I got rid of before joining WW.
Anyway, this weight stuff is a pain in the ass. I think if I had reason to curse someone I'd curse them not with a 10,000 locust on their house, though that would really be horrible, I've lived through 2-17 year locust returns and eww, but I'd curse someone with being perpetually fat.
It's hard.
You question your sanity. It's like there's a piece of you that you have no control over. I mean think of someone who is actually crazy, hitting himself on the head repeatedly. He knows it hurts, but he can't stop. The head hitter doesn't get advertisements saying hit himself. He also doesn't hear from the world at large that hitting himself is wrong and he's got no self control, that hitting makes him ugly, stupid and unworthy of normal desires. And when he does get the message from the caring people to stop, he's hurting himself and he still can't, the shame of it all only compounds the pain in the whole process.
And if I could walk around compulsively smacking myself in the head instead of putting the wrong food in my mouth, I think I'd just might start that. It would be my luck I'd smack myself in the head with one hand, looking like a loon, and spoon feeding myself with the other.
The up side to all of this is that somehow thinking of overeating as an illness that can be, at best cured or managed well, is encouraging. Nay, promising even.
Yesterday I called Sams. She wants me to look at a different doctor who is affiliated with a hospital, not in a stand alone facility. She's still having her people set me up for the sleep study because either/any doctor is going to want it. Her concern is if there are complication during surgery being in a hospital will save precious moments. I get it. I also get that I'd rather have a doctor who only does WLS. Also, I want this surgery right now! (Insert a foot stomping, 6 year temper tantrum here.) It took me a month to get in with Dr. Vig.
I called the other doctor. I do keep my word. Why is it that I was annoyed that there wasn't a "new patient" prompt in the automated system. I finally got some administrator who connected me and gave me the extension of the right person. I called Friday morning, left a message. Called again in the afternoon and left a message. No response. Ohh, I'm not feeling good about this practice. I know people are busy, but in a money generating business you need to pretend to care.
Let us never forget that we are consumers of a product/service. This is America and this is a capitalistic society. You sell a service, I buy it, you act like I'm important and I tell everyone you're the best person I gave my money to. It's easy.
There was a news piece on the local news about lapbands yesterday afternoon. Seems like this is going to become a popular procedure. I can certainly understand why.
On the GF note, she asked if my people thought she put me up to the surgery. Or blamed her in some way for me deciding right now to do this. When I told Gee about the conversation, she said the only obvious thing this points out is that GF hasn't learned yet that I don't do a damn thing I don't want to do.
And reassuringly enough, while talking with the EX about the whole thing, and I'm talking to the EX about the whole thing because it does impact on her via the kid and the kid's schedule, she was supportive. The woman can make explanations for everything (or excuses) and sometimes there's a real benefit to that skill. She said it was clear that I've tried other ways and other ways don't work. This is a reasonable next step.
Back in 2001, January as I recall, we were still together and I said I wanted to have a RNY surgery. I was 40 heavier than I am right now. She said that she'd never really witnessed me trying to diet. Which was true. So I tried. I joined WW and lost 75 lbs. Yeah me! Really it was -90 at that point. There were a 15 that I got rid of before joining WW.
Anyway, this weight stuff is a pain in the ass. I think if I had reason to curse someone I'd curse them not with a 10,000 locust on their house, though that would really be horrible, I've lived through 2-17 year locust returns and eww, but I'd curse someone with being perpetually fat.
It's hard.
You question your sanity. It's like there's a piece of you that you have no control over. I mean think of someone who is actually crazy, hitting himself on the head repeatedly. He knows it hurts, but he can't stop. The head hitter doesn't get advertisements saying hit himself. He also doesn't hear from the world at large that hitting himself is wrong and he's got no self control, that hitting makes him ugly, stupid and unworthy of normal desires. And when he does get the message from the caring people to stop, he's hurting himself and he still can't, the shame of it all only compounds the pain in the whole process.
And if I could walk around compulsively smacking myself in the head instead of putting the wrong food in my mouth, I think I'd just might start that. It would be my luck I'd smack myself in the head with one hand, looking like a loon, and spoon feeding myself with the other.
The up side to all of this is that somehow thinking of overeating as an illness that can be, at best cured or managed well, is encouraging. Nay, promising even.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
What I'm asking my doctor today at 2pm
Questions
Am I a candidate?
Other factors:
Snoring
Pain in my knee going up stairs
Foot pain
Reflux
Before Surgery:
What are the next steps?
Sleep Study
Nutritionist
Psychologist
Are the support meetings, how often do they meet?
Do you require a pre-surgery liquid diet?
About the Surgery
Is it outpatient or over night?
I react to anesthesia poorly. I needed Phenergan after my breast reduction.
What kind of incisions can I expect?
How long does the surgery take?
Which band will you use?
How much saline does it hold?
What exactly is the liquid and what happens if it leaks into my body?
Where does the port go, exactly?
After Surgery
How long should I be off work?
When can I pick up my 50 pound kid?
How long before the first fill?
How long between fills?
What’s the initial food plan? What are your opinions on liquid protein?
How do I take medications?
Should I have liquid Tylenol or Ibuprofen on hand? Should I avoid either?
What is the cost of a fill?
When do I get back to exercising? Are there strength exercises I should avoid?
When should I expect to be back to full energy level?
How soon before resuming sex?
Surgery Gone Wrong
Give me some worst case scenarios and how they are righted.
Am I a candidate?
Other factors:
Snoring
Pain in my knee going up stairs
Foot pain
Reflux
Before Surgery:
What are the next steps?
Sleep Study
Nutritionist
Psychologist
Are the support meetings, how often do they meet?
Do you require a pre-surgery liquid diet?
About the Surgery
Is it outpatient or over night?
I react to anesthesia poorly. I needed Phenergan after my breast reduction.
What kind of incisions can I expect?
How long does the surgery take?
Which band will you use?
How much saline does it hold?
What exactly is the liquid and what happens if it leaks into my body?
Where does the port go, exactly?
After Surgery
How long should I be off work?
When can I pick up my 50 pound kid?
How long before the first fill?
How long between fills?
What’s the initial food plan? What are your opinions on liquid protein?
How do I take medications?
Should I have liquid Tylenol or Ibuprofen on hand? Should I avoid either?
What is the cost of a fill?
When do I get back to exercising? Are there strength exercises I should avoid?
When should I expect to be back to full energy level?
How soon before resuming sex?
Surgery Gone Wrong
Give me some worst case scenarios and how they are righted.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Fantastic
Okay~ That's a fake it until you make it Fantastic.
I'm doing better today than I had been the last few days. Though I started the morning with bacon and eggs. I rarely eat bacon. I know my bacon days are numbered.
I wonder how typical my experiences are with food and weight. Personally I only have one other super obese - nice descriptor, huh - friend. We eat for different reasons and we pile it into our mouths differently. She's a slow and steady sit down to far too much food kind of gal. I'm a quick and dirty let's eat regular portions of food but 10-12 times a day eater. Yeah, I'll have 2 breakfasts, lunches and dinners.
I know there are other people who are the same height and weight and age. We all got here by eating too much and not disregarding our body's health. Interesting.
As I really gear up for this band part of me is saying good bye to bad habits, old ways of comforting myself that I just won't have available to me. I'm happy to be parting ways. You know like getting ready to go on an extended trip to parts of the world vastly different from what I know. I'm excited at the prospect learning new ways to cope and new ways to be. The difference is that you return home from a journey. I don't want to come back to here. I guess you never are the same after you travel. You are changed by your experiences, what you saw, who you met.
The band is going to be like that for me too I hope.
I'm doing better today than I had been the last few days. Though I started the morning with bacon and eggs. I rarely eat bacon. I know my bacon days are numbered.
I wonder how typical my experiences are with food and weight. Personally I only have one other super obese - nice descriptor, huh - friend. We eat for different reasons and we pile it into our mouths differently. She's a slow and steady sit down to far too much food kind of gal. I'm a quick and dirty let's eat regular portions of food but 10-12 times a day eater. Yeah, I'll have 2 breakfasts, lunches and dinners.
I know there are other people who are the same height and weight and age. We all got here by eating too much and not disregarding our body's health. Interesting.
As I really gear up for this band part of me is saying good bye to bad habits, old ways of comforting myself that I just won't have available to me. I'm happy to be parting ways. You know like getting ready to go on an extended trip to parts of the world vastly different from what I know. I'm excited at the prospect learning new ways to cope and new ways to be. The difference is that you return home from a journey. I don't want to come back to here. I guess you never are the same after you travel. You are changed by your experiences, what you saw, who you met.
The band is going to be like that for me too I hope.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Yuck
This is the lapband blog...I was reading all the posts on bandsters the yahoo group for the thinkers and doers. I'm excited and scared...
Really my head isn't on all that right now. It's racing and I don't know why.
I was short tempered with my kid today. Was it her making me nuts? Or was I nutty so her regular behavior drove me to shouting?
My bills are paid, the school thing is under control. Work, the special committees are overwhelming me. I think I want to step down before fall as I orginally planned. I've got so much stuff on my plate and I keep thinking about the drugery of the tasks ahead for that.
I know working out tomorrow will make me feel better. I didn't go Friday because the meeting ran late and I had to get the kid. Saturday we had a play date at home, I didn't even think about me not getting exercised, just Zoe and then today I was crancky as all hell. I got her on her bike and I ran behind her up and down the sidewalk a few times. That did help my head. But damn, I want this bad mood to stop. Is exercise really that tightly linked? I'm guessing and I'll let you know.
On top of that I'm weepy.
I called a friend today to come and hang out, just so Zoe could refocus her self on someone, not me for an hour, and my friend said, "not it". I balled.
I called someone else and said, I'm making dinner wanna eat? I didn't tell him the motivation. And he came, we ate, Zoe got some affection/attention from not me and life was better.
But talking to the LDR-GF(long distance relationship, girlfriend) I nearly burst into tears again that or just feed me some raw meat. I could fight someone right now. She calmed me down by talking about our favorite subject, which of course is us. Us now, us in the past, us romantically, us humorously. It was good.
Then I got on line. I hit OIC, the local on line web place we met August 2004, and I got all yucky all over agian. Just looking to chat up some old friends, but really I don't have many nor do I have the gumption to make more at this time, but I got sad.
Oy.
Looks like real life is bleeding into the WLS blog. I guess it was bound to happen. I should hop over to blogdrive and check out the old blog.
Peace
Really my head isn't on all that right now. It's racing and I don't know why.
I was short tempered with my kid today. Was it her making me nuts? Or was I nutty so her regular behavior drove me to shouting?
My bills are paid, the school thing is under control. Work, the special committees are overwhelming me. I think I want to step down before fall as I orginally planned. I've got so much stuff on my plate and I keep thinking about the drugery of the tasks ahead for that.
I know working out tomorrow will make me feel better. I didn't go Friday because the meeting ran late and I had to get the kid. Saturday we had a play date at home, I didn't even think about me not getting exercised, just Zoe and then today I was crancky as all hell. I got her on her bike and I ran behind her up and down the sidewalk a few times. That did help my head. But damn, I want this bad mood to stop. Is exercise really that tightly linked? I'm guessing and I'll let you know.
On top of that I'm weepy.
I called a friend today to come and hang out, just so Zoe could refocus her self on someone, not me for an hour, and my friend said, "not it". I balled.
I called someone else and said, I'm making dinner wanna eat? I didn't tell him the motivation. And he came, we ate, Zoe got some affection/attention from not me and life was better.
But talking to the LDR-GF(long distance relationship, girlfriend) I nearly burst into tears again that or just feed me some raw meat. I could fight someone right now. She calmed me down by talking about our favorite subject, which of course is us. Us now, us in the past, us romantically, us humorously. It was good.
Then I got on line. I hit OIC, the local on line web place we met August 2004, and I got all yucky all over agian. Just looking to chat up some old friends, but really I don't have many nor do I have the gumption to make more at this time, but I got sad.
Oy.
Looks like real life is bleeding into the WLS blog. I guess it was bound to happen. I should hop over to blogdrive and check out the old blog.
Peace
Thursday, January 26, 2006
One week
I'm down to waiting one more week. That's when I get to have my consultation with the doctor about the band. That's when I get my growing list of questions answered.
Things are fabulous with me and my honey.
My kid is fine.
My work is work.
The bills are paid and I CAN buy groceries.
Life is good.
Things are fabulous with me and my honey.
My kid is fine.
My work is work.
The bills are paid and I CAN buy groceries.
Life is good.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Weekend
Spent the weekend with my girly girl.
It was fantastic!
However, my weight has peaked. I say that because my out of control eating behavior has subsided and I know I'm going to drop a few pounds.
There's a magic number between 295-300 where I snore. My daughter doesn't really complain, my girlfriend on the other hand doesn't so much complain, but I know it bothers her.
I snored this weekend. I snored when we met and it stopped when I lost the 30# this year, but 20 pounds is back on. I hate that I snore. I hate that it hurts my throat, I hate that the only reason for it is my weight. It makes me mad. I can fight the other stuff. I can move my body. I work out, I pick up boxes of stuff and move things at work. I dance. I can counter all the fat stereotypes when I'm waking. When I sleep however, I can't do a thing about the snoring. I try to stay awake longer than her, hoping that once I won't wake her. I sleep with my face in the pillow hoping that face down is better than face up...it's just not restful.
Not to mention being with her isn't restful. I'm yawning as I type. Since we only get together once a month or so, it's almost like being new again the first night, that excited energy. The second night I know we are parting in the morning so I cling to every second, every piece of contact I can knowingly make. I really do prefer 3 nights or more. The third night I can find comfort and rest.
I told her I am 99.9% sure I'm going forward with the band. It was nice, her support.
We were walking out of a restaurant, I noticed a camera facing our car, I suggested we give a little show, kissy-kissy, for the viewing pleasure of who ever was watching. My girl is modest. Laughing I asked how she felt about being with and exhibitionist, (not really). She said, "When you lose weight I'm worried, because I know that's the only thing keeping you from performing."
She is so right.
The best part of that statement, was "when" not "if". She's on the same page as me. Bless her heart. Actually bless everyone I've told. There's been nothing but encouragement and understanding from my mom to my friends to a select few coworkers. My people are fabulous.
Reading posts on the yahoo group, taking it all in, not posting anything. Just gathering information.
It was fantastic!
However, my weight has peaked. I say that because my out of control eating behavior has subsided and I know I'm going to drop a few pounds.
There's a magic number between 295-300 where I snore. My daughter doesn't really complain, my girlfriend on the other hand doesn't so much complain, but I know it bothers her.
I snored this weekend. I snored when we met and it stopped when I lost the 30# this year, but 20 pounds is back on. I hate that I snore. I hate that it hurts my throat, I hate that the only reason for it is my weight. It makes me mad. I can fight the other stuff. I can move my body. I work out, I pick up boxes of stuff and move things at work. I dance. I can counter all the fat stereotypes when I'm waking. When I sleep however, I can't do a thing about the snoring. I try to stay awake longer than her, hoping that once I won't wake her. I sleep with my face in the pillow hoping that face down is better than face up...it's just not restful.
Not to mention being with her isn't restful. I'm yawning as I type. Since we only get together once a month or so, it's almost like being new again the first night, that excited energy. The second night I know we are parting in the morning so I cling to every second, every piece of contact I can knowingly make. I really do prefer 3 nights or more. The third night I can find comfort and rest.
I told her I am 99.9% sure I'm going forward with the band. It was nice, her support.
We were walking out of a restaurant, I noticed a camera facing our car, I suggested we give a little show, kissy-kissy, for the viewing pleasure of who ever was watching. My girl is modest. Laughing I asked how she felt about being with and exhibitionist, (not really). She said, "When you lose weight I'm worried, because I know that's the only thing keeping you from performing."
She is so right.
The best part of that statement, was "when" not "if". She's on the same page as me. Bless her heart. Actually bless everyone I've told. There's been nothing but encouragement and understanding from my mom to my friends to a select few coworkers. My people are fabulous.
Reading posts on the yahoo group, taking it all in, not posting anything. Just gathering information.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Obsession
My complete obsession with the Lapband is diminishing a little, which is good.
I get ideas in my head and I can't shake them for a few weeks. It doesn't mean that I'm not married to the idea it means I've processed the hell out of it and can't pick it apart any more. Well not until I get more information. And that is still 2 weeks away. So it gets filtered out or sent to the back burner to simmer.
My head is on my kid and doing my homework and doing my job and going away this weekend. Which means there is laundry to do, a dog to wash, fish food to buy, things to get done so I can hang with the girl for two days and not worry about what's going undone at home.
The girl-who is really a 40 year old woman- lives in Michigan I live 284 miles away in Ohio, we sometimes meet in the middle, in the thriving metropolis of Toledo. What's to do in Toledo in January? Who cares, so long as we are together. I'm going up tomorrow, after class.
But let's talk about her take on the Lapband shall we?
Much to my surprise we started dating 15 months ago. I was pushing 300 pounds. She's 5'8'' and hovers around 170. Yeah her, not being hung up on size. We hit it off.
We knew from the get go she was due to be transferred, we both thought it would end when she moved. We kept it casual and light. We kept it going after the transfer. We fell in real live grown up love. We are in between monogamous and committed forever.
I told her after I set my consultation that I was going to really consider WLS. She asked all the right questions. I offered to send her some links to get information, she said she'd be looking it up on her own. I think she wants to find unbiased information. Cool with me. She's not coming to the consultation, but she wants to help with the surgery and the recovery. I expected that, but I also would not have been surprised if she pulled away. We push and pull at times. Anyway, this lapband jounrey.
And this is just an aside. The girl. She's fine. She's not just tall and normal sized. But she's down right attractive by everybody's standards. She loves her family. She's also a professional who makes too much money. She has the right balance between attaching herself to my kid and respecting she might not be a permanent fixture so doesn't over do it.
I get ideas in my head and I can't shake them for a few weeks. It doesn't mean that I'm not married to the idea it means I've processed the hell out of it and can't pick it apart any more. Well not until I get more information. And that is still 2 weeks away. So it gets filtered out or sent to the back burner to simmer.
My head is on my kid and doing my homework and doing my job and going away this weekend. Which means there is laundry to do, a dog to wash, fish food to buy, things to get done so I can hang with the girl for two days and not worry about what's going undone at home.
The girl-who is really a 40 year old woman- lives in Michigan I live 284 miles away in Ohio, we sometimes meet in the middle, in the thriving metropolis of Toledo. What's to do in Toledo in January? Who cares, so long as we are together. I'm going up tomorrow, after class.
But let's talk about her take on the Lapband shall we?
Much to my surprise we started dating 15 months ago. I was pushing 300 pounds. She's 5'8'' and hovers around 170. Yeah her, not being hung up on size. We hit it off.
We knew from the get go she was due to be transferred, we both thought it would end when she moved. We kept it casual and light. We kept it going after the transfer. We fell in real live grown up love. We are in between monogamous and committed forever.
I told her after I set my consultation that I was going to really consider WLS. She asked all the right questions. I offered to send her some links to get information, she said she'd be looking it up on her own. I think she wants to find unbiased information. Cool with me. She's not coming to the consultation, but she wants to help with the surgery and the recovery. I expected that, but I also would not have been surprised if she pulled away. We push and pull at times. Anyway, this lapband jounrey.
And this is just an aside. The girl. She's fine. She's not just tall and normal sized. But she's down right attractive by everybody's standards. She loves her family. She's also a professional who makes too much money. She has the right balance between attaching herself to my kid and respecting she might not be a permanent fixture so doesn't over do it.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
NON SCALE VICTORIES
1. Having my kid's hands touch when she wraps her arms around me.
2. Seeing my collar bones.
3. Buying bras and panties at Victoria's Secret.
4. Riding a roller coaster.
5. Moving my car seat closer to the wheel.
6. No extender on a plane.
7. To tie my gym shoes with out strain.
8. Sexually, be more athletic.
9. Removing links from my watch.
10. No more knee pain.
11. Buying clothes in the regular department.
12. Smaller shoe size. Yeah my feet get smaller when I get smaller.
13. Wearing heels and not feeling crippled.
14. Riding my bike regularly.
15. Running one mile.
16. Running three miles.
17. Take a kick boxing class.
18. Stop snoring.
19. Not worrying about the size of booths at restaurants.
20. Not worrying about seat belts in other people's cars fitting or not.
21. Wearing a sexy red dress.
22. Comfortably fitting in the tub with my kid.
23. Ride a jetski on vacation.
24. Hike all day.
25. Stop sneaking food. I live alone, but still feel like I sneak.
2. Seeing my collar bones.
3. Buying bras and panties at Victoria's Secret.
4. Riding a roller coaster.
5. Moving my car seat closer to the wheel.
6. No extender on a plane.
7. To tie my gym shoes with out strain.
8. Sexually, be more athletic.
9. Removing links from my watch.
10. No more knee pain.
11. Buying clothes in the regular department.
12. Smaller shoe size. Yeah my feet get smaller when I get smaller.
13. Wearing heels and not feeling crippled.
14. Riding my bike regularly.
15. Running one mile.
16. Running three miles.
17. Take a kick boxing class.
18. Stop snoring.
19. Not worrying about the size of booths at restaurants.
20. Not worrying about seat belts in other people's cars fitting or not.
21. Wearing a sexy red dress.
22. Comfortably fitting in the tub with my kid.
23. Ride a jetski on vacation.
24. Hike all day.
25. Stop sneaking food. I live alone, but still feel like I sneak.
Keeping Track
Time for keeping track of things.
It's not like I don't already. But I'm embracing my list making ways instead of being closeted about them. Emm (closest work buddy/neighbor) told me her take on list makers, it's our way to have control in our world that sometimes spins out of our influence.
I have my Franklin Covey planner. I love it. You can have it only when you pull it out of my dead lifeless hands. I took the class a few years back. Now I'm using it as god intended. Or Franklin Covey did. And yeah, I know they are two different people. Yesterday, I kid you not, I wrote in my planner, 'wash the dog' and 'make a pie'. Both things need to be done. I'm only one person and I'm pushing 40 so I forget things.
But it's time to track what I'm eating and when I'm working out. See that? I'm working out. Since deciding to look into WLS, I've hit the gym. My bag is packed for this afternoon too. I'll hit the gym tomorrow as well, also Saturday before I go to class, I'm hoping, I'm planning. I wrote it down. I did.
Last night I did a list of my 25 NSV I want to experience. NSV= non scale victory. Do I slash "want" for "will"? How we chose words impact how we make things happen, right?
I will experience those NSV. They will sit in a post all their own. Give me a minute.
I'm excited for making the choice to think about the band; to look closely at it being a tool. I want something to help me. I know I need the help. What more can a girl do? One day, one decision at a time. Rather like school. I'll tell you last 2 quarters I took accounting. Kill me. I literally had to think, one problem at a time. Each problem I completed I was that much closer to graduating.
Please don't pick this apart but I've said before, "I've got more confidence than a fat girl should." I'm a confident person but when I have the "beat the hell out of yourself party" being under educated and over weight are always the guests. I'm taking control of both things, and if I have to write down every move in a list to get it done, I will.
It's not like I don't already. But I'm embracing my list making ways instead of being closeted about them. Emm (closest work buddy/neighbor) told me her take on list makers, it's our way to have control in our world that sometimes spins out of our influence.
I have my Franklin Covey planner. I love it. You can have it only when you pull it out of my dead lifeless hands. I took the class a few years back. Now I'm using it as god intended. Or Franklin Covey did. And yeah, I know they are two different people. Yesterday, I kid you not, I wrote in my planner, 'wash the dog' and 'make a pie'. Both things need to be done. I'm only one person and I'm pushing 40 so I forget things.
But it's time to track what I'm eating and when I'm working out. See that? I'm working out. Since deciding to look into WLS, I've hit the gym. My bag is packed for this afternoon too. I'll hit the gym tomorrow as well, also Saturday before I go to class, I'm hoping, I'm planning. I wrote it down. I did.
Last night I did a list of my 25 NSV I want to experience. NSV= non scale victory. Do I slash "want" for "will"? How we chose words impact how we make things happen, right?
I will experience those NSV. They will sit in a post all their own. Give me a minute.
I'm excited for making the choice to think about the band; to look closely at it being a tool. I want something to help me. I know I need the help. What more can a girl do? One day, one decision at a time. Rather like school. I'll tell you last 2 quarters I took accounting. Kill me. I literally had to think, one problem at a time. Each problem I completed I was that much closer to graduating.
Please don't pick this apart but I've said before, "I've got more confidence than a fat girl should." I'm a confident person but when I have the "beat the hell out of yourself party" being under educated and over weight are always the guests. I'm taking control of both things, and if I have to write down every move in a list to get it done, I will.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
It's all New
Okay kids, this is my new blog on Blogspot. I've been on blogdrive for a few years, but I want a new beginning all the way around.
Lap Band, so you see the title this is about my adventure down the road to getting a lap band and where it might lead this life.
And no, I lead this life but I'm going to be making some choices that will change the course I've been on. And that's a good thing. First choice was deciding to get a consultation after reading a few items on the internet about them. http://www.lap-band.com/about.html will give you some information on the technical side of things.
Then I got on a few list serves with people who either have or like me are considering having the band installed. I've learned a lot reading about their experiences. Interesting, scary but pretty much I'm ready to get it done and get on with losing weight.
Since my consultation isn't until February 2nd I'm trying to wrap my head around what it might be like. Eating small bites, chewing well, sipping instead of gulping water. I got my ass back to the gym as well. Because as I see it the band will be a tool, and aid in getting the weight off, but I'm going to have to eat well and move this ass to make it more effective. And again, if I'm going to get surgery to control the food going in, I'm going to do the best I can to get the most out of the procedure. I'm going to work out.
At some point before, I'll take some pictures, get them up here. I'll also put down my weight and BMI.
Just for the record, I've been bigger than I am now. My highest known weight was 338, but chances are it was higher by a few pounds before I had the nerve to get on a scale. I'm under 300 now, but just. I'm 5'2''. So yeah I'm about as big around as I am tall.
Throughout high school I was a chubby size 16, around 155. In my early twenties I saw my weight hover around 230, size 22. As I got older in an unhappy relationship/burnout job my weight got to the high mark. I was 30 going on 31. At 32 I dropped 80 lbs. I got as small as a 24, I weigh around 260. As I recall the was a weight where I spent a few years. Seems plateaus happen on your way down where you lingered on your way up.
Well, there you go. As for stats I'm a single gay mom. My daughter is 4. I'm dating someone seriously. That's all there is to know for now.
Lap Band, so you see the title this is about my adventure down the road to getting a lap band and where it might lead this life.
And no, I lead this life but I'm going to be making some choices that will change the course I've been on. And that's a good thing. First choice was deciding to get a consultation after reading a few items on the internet about them. http://www.lap-band.com/about.html will give you some information on the technical side of things.
Then I got on a few list serves with people who either have or like me are considering having the band installed. I've learned a lot reading about their experiences. Interesting, scary but pretty much I'm ready to get it done and get on with losing weight.
Since my consultation isn't until February 2nd I'm trying to wrap my head around what it might be like. Eating small bites, chewing well, sipping instead of gulping water. I got my ass back to the gym as well. Because as I see it the band will be a tool, and aid in getting the weight off, but I'm going to have to eat well and move this ass to make it more effective. And again, if I'm going to get surgery to control the food going in, I'm going to do the best I can to get the most out of the procedure. I'm going to work out.
At some point before, I'll take some pictures, get them up here. I'll also put down my weight and BMI.
Just for the record, I've been bigger than I am now. My highest known weight was 338, but chances are it was higher by a few pounds before I had the nerve to get on a scale. I'm under 300 now, but just. I'm 5'2''. So yeah I'm about as big around as I am tall.
Throughout high school I was a chubby size 16, around 155. In my early twenties I saw my weight hover around 230, size 22. As I got older in an unhappy relationship/burnout job my weight got to the high mark. I was 30 going on 31. At 32 I dropped 80 lbs. I got as small as a 24, I weigh around 260. As I recall the was a weight where I spent a few years. Seems plateaus happen on your way down where you lingered on your way up.
Well, there you go. As for stats I'm a single gay mom. My daughter is 4. I'm dating someone seriously. That's all there is to know for now.
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