Boo Hoo

We broke up yesterday.

Part of my words were, "my life is messy and you don't like messy." And really, my life is pretty tame. I'm a single mom, work full-time and I'm back in college full-time. I work everyday toward my plans and goals to make my trip on this planet the best experience I can have. Daily I am grateful for this little life of mine. My pending banding is part of meeting important personal goals. I want my daughter to have an active, healthy mom.

I can't help but think my sweetie or ex-sweetie can't handle that I'm signing up for surgery and that's a huge part of our fight. She hasn't said anything derogatory but is noticeably disquieted when I talk about the details and changes that are required with the band. I'm relatively stable emotionally, but I can't deny that dealing with a lifetime of fat issues is surfacing now. I think that while waiting for the band to get approved by my insurance is a great time to unravel the ugly emotional knots of my obesity. I’m not medicated for emotional issues, I have been in the past and there are times when I think it might not be a bad idea now. But those are passing thoughts. I honestly think I’ve got a decent handle on what makes me tick. I just thought I was with someone who could handle me a little unfiltered and raw.

I was wrong and I'm sad.

But I'm lucky my support, my family and friends are looking out for me and loving me and will see me through all of this.

And no, I will not reconsider getting my band. I have to live in this body. I have do all that I can to be healthy and I know the band is going to be a great tool in getting there.
And, yeah I came home a day early, so what did I do with my holiday? I took myself to the gym and spent an extra hour reacquainting myself with strength training. It was on my list for Wednesday. Like I said I have a plan.