sleep study

Dr. Viglianco, the lapband doc wants me to get a sleep study. I have to do that through my primary care physician, Dr. Sams.

Yesterday I called Sams. She wants me to look at a different doctor who is affiliated with a hospital, not in a stand alone facility. She's still having her people set me up for the sleep study because either/any doctor is going to want it. Her concern is if there are complication during surgery being in a hospital will save precious moments. I get it. I also get that I'd rather have a doctor who only does WLS. Also, I want this surgery right now! (Insert a foot stomping, 6 year temper tantrum here.) It took me a month to get in with Dr. Vig.

I called the other doctor. I do keep my word. Why is it that I was annoyed that there wasn't a "new patient" prompt in the automated system. I finally got some administrator who connected me and gave me the extension of the right person. I called Friday morning, left a message. Called again in the afternoon and left a message. No response. Ohh, I'm not feeling good about this practice. I know people are busy, but in a money generating business you need to pretend to care.

Let us never forget that we are consumers of a product/service. This is America and this is a capitalistic society. You sell a service, I buy it, you act like I'm important and I tell everyone you're the best person I gave my money to. It's easy.

There was a news piece on the local news about lapbands yesterday afternoon. Seems like this is going to become a popular procedure. I can certainly understand why.

On the GF note, she asked if my people thought she put me up to the surgery. Or blamed her in some way for me deciding right now to do this. When I told Gee about the conversation, she said the only obvious thing this points out is that GF hasn't learned yet that I don't do a damn thing I don't want to do.

And reassuringly enough, while talking with the EX about the whole thing, and I'm talking to the EX about the whole thing because it does impact on her via the kid and the kid's schedule, she was supportive. The woman can make explanations for everything (or excuses) and sometimes there's a real benefit to that skill. She said it was clear that I've tried other ways and other ways don't work. This is a reasonable next step.

Back in 2001, January as I recall, we were still together and I said I wanted to have a RNY surgery. I was 40 heavier than I am right now. She said that she'd never really witnessed me trying to diet. Which was true. So I tried. I joined WW and lost 75 lbs. Yeah me! Really it was -90 at that point. There were a 15 that I got rid of before joining WW.

Anyway, this weight stuff is a pain in the ass. I think if I had reason to curse someone I'd curse them not with a 10,000 locust on their house, though that would really be horrible, I've lived through 2-17 year locust returns and eww, but I'd curse someone with being perpetually fat.

It's hard.
You question your sanity. It's like there's a piece of you that you have no control over. I mean think of someone who is actually crazy, hitting himself on the head repeatedly. He knows it hurts, but he can't stop. The head hitter doesn't get advertisements saying hit himself. He also doesn't hear from the world at large that hitting himself is wrong and he's got no self control, that hitting makes him ugly, stupid and unworthy of normal desires. And when he does get the message from the caring people to stop, he's hurting himself and he still can't, the shame of it all only compounds the pain in the whole process.

And if I could walk around compulsively smacking myself in the head instead of putting the wrong food in my mouth, I think I'd just might start that. It would be my luck I'd smack myself in the head with one hand, looking like a loon, and spoon feeding myself with the other.

The up side to all of this is that somehow thinking of overeating as an illness that can be, at best cured or managed well, is encouraging. Nay, promising even.